what're you gonna do?

I am disrespectful. to my father and mother. to my girlfriend. love involves no disrespect. i am disrespecting myself. i hinder myself from growing and maturing. Most of all, i disrespect God. The One who GAVE ME LIFE, the One who SAVES MY ASS WHENEVER I SCREW UP, and i don't respect that so much that treat his daughter like i have? or that i treat my parents with utter disrespect? these are ones who raised me to love God, there is NO better gift that someone on this earth could ever give to another. i have had the audacity to just ignore wisdom. i am selfish. i don't deserve her. even my punishment is a cost to the ones who love me most. i am absolutely blessed with the love i have received from God through gifts, the people surrounding me, THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME...i have tromped that love like its dirt. I AM SELFISH. its time for a total radical change in my life. I CANT BE THIS WAY ANYMORE. Dad, you're right.


I'm frustrated with myself because of what I've done. well no more.
i must give up myself, i am nothing. nothing produces nothing. When i start relying on myself fully is when it gets bad.
my judgement calls are off, my vision blurred, its dangerous. i WILL NOT take that risk again. i know how it is to try to take it on myself and it doesn't turn out well.


serious steps will be taken in my life so that i love honestly and completely, so that i treat my parents, my girlfriend, just people in general BETTER than they deserve. 
serious steps will be taken so that i will personally grow and mature so that i can be a REAL 
Godly man and not a faker that i have been. for you who are reading this please pray for me and hold me accountable as i cannot do this myself. i need others to keep me in check. I believe God will change things. He gives me the ability to change.


thank you brothers and sisters for praying for me. I lift you all up in prayer that have similar situations in your life. I love you as a brother in Christ. My hope is that God speaks to you through this testimony of mine. and that this might help and encourage you. I hope that, for all who have struggles, you put your hope and faith in God alone. He does ask some work on your part so you must be willing.


gotta depend on God to do something in your life that you could never do. i give up, i know i cant do it myself. God is so good.
I'm excited for change and to truly live righteous and pure. the glory is God's.

i speak from my heart. i hope you see that.